Halloween Hadji Hash Trash

I have received word from General Mills and his thanks to all of you for your hard work reclaiming the south side of Milwaukee . Not only have we saved Halloween but much beer was consumed. Our After Actions Review always follows the same thing, Good, Bad, and Sustain. (Wow this is almost like the real military, except more beer).

Good:

Everything Sphincter Grease does is good, if not great.
Almost 25 brave hashers answered the call for their hash, and 5 virgins showed.
There were breasts exposed, always a good thing.

Bad:

Beer was a little to warm at resupply points, but so is the beer in the desert.
Not enough took advantage of signing up for Pearl Harbor at low rates.
Not enough breasts were exposed.

Sustain:

We should always have 25 hashers at each hash, and the next one is perfect to keep that record, the Birthday Suit/Twilight Beaver Hash.
Exposure to breasts, we always need to see boobies, always…
Sustain your Sexy, Waukesha . Sexy can never be lost so long as you believe.

On-On,
Sphincter Grease

 

Waukesha 8/16/2008 Kilt Hash / Irish Fest Hash Trash

 

Virgins. Lots of Virgins. Lots of fun virgins. No, this not a wet dream that some of had last week, this your recap of the Anal Kilt Hash.

Waukesha is hands down the greatest hash in the world, and people know it. So when we circled up at Slim’s, Just What was so nervous, he forgot his own name. Standing the vicinity of awe and glory will do that to a virgin. But a half dozen virgins joined 15 hashers, many who said, “If you ain’t wearing a kilt traditionally, it’s just another skirt.”
 

We were sent along a shitty trail laid by Copulator and Hand Solo. In no time we found ourselves running along some railroad tracks, like that has never been done before. With trail winding through the city of Milwaukee (also named the sexiest city, coincidently after we Brought Sexy Back, take that Shitcago) the hashers raced through shiggy and urban terrain alike. We arrived to the first beer stop which was only 1 block east of Slim’s. Those dirty AND lazy hares pulled a fast one by making us actually work for beer.
 

We raced off after a long and refreshing beer or three. Using a variety of tricks and cunning the hares set a dead trail like no other. The hashers paraded along the shores of the ever fragrant Milwaukee River. At one point Last Hole and Sphincter Grease were stopped by a bridal party. After a quick snap shot the two hashers did what their wives should have done on their faithful day, and took off at top speed. The trail continued to wind around but soon the hashers found their way and arrived for more Mickeys beer.
 

The second beer stop was more fun than the first. I wish I could recall all the fun but it was only a blur as we raced out once more for yet another beer stop (third times a charm). Since shortcutting is never an issue, two of the fastest hounds decided that they would rather run than do down down's. The rest of us ran as little as possible, mainly to spite our Madison bretheren. And in Copulator style we found ourselves right back at the same beer stop we left. But I blame Solo for this since after Wank You, Cum Again started dating him, he seems lazier than ever, also he has a lot more black eyes and bruising, mainly from falling down the stairs, a lot.
 

We circled up after all had returned, doing shots of Irish Whiskey and drinking more Mickeys. Virgins were taught when to drink, some trying more often than others. And most time trying to get back into the circle. During the circle it was determined and voted on that Wank You, Cum Again was better looking than Sphincter Grease who did a down down for losing in such landslide fashion. Circle was closed, #2 went to Irish Fest with some broad that he hangs with all the time, and the rest drank, did drink, and eventually were drunk.
 

On-On to Beer Mile,

Sphincter Grease

 

 

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Waukesha 2/22/2008 Full Moon @ The Icehouse

 

 

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Waukesha 2/16 VD Joint Hash w/ Second City & Keno Hash Trash

 

If the Waukesha Hash House Harriers are known for one thing, its our record keeping abilities. After all, we are one hash ahead of Chicago, and we have the records to prove it, somewhere in Last Hole's remodeling mess, on the back of the dry wall I think.

Nearly a dozen hashers assembled at Doug's on 41 for the 10th annual Valentine's Day Hash. And for the statistical record, the trail was awful. Our Hares, It's Too Soft, Stump Humper, and Rhotan set a trail sending us through frozen ponds, rivers, and woods.

But being the true statisticians that we are, we go to the only two categories that matter, the first category is for Bringing Sexy Back and the second is confirmed kills at the bar.

Copulator 0 0
Sphincter Grease 1 1
Crash Potato 0 0
Cucumber Plumber 0 0
Soar Balls 0 0
Sperm Diversion 0 0
Monsterbator 0 0
Mudsucker 0 0
Rhotan 0 0
Stump Humper 0 0
It's Too Soft 0 0

And once more Sphincter Grease is your hash MVP based on the only things that matter, Bringing Sexy Back and confirmed kills at the bar.

Oh yeah there was a circle and some songs were sung and beer was consumed. Whatever, they didn't Bring Sexy Back as well as the Great Sphincter Grease.

On On to Pointy Nipples, Part Duex,

Sphincter Grease

More Fujirazzi pix here or GPS Map of the trail.

 

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Hash Trash : Pointy Nipples Hash Jan 2008

On the coldest day of the year, The Heros of The Waukesha Hash came to Spirits in South Milwaukee for The Pointy Nipples Hash '08. Trail was set by Copulator!! and his Trusty Sidekick Just Goose through the hinterlands of Milwaukee County... As suited up & readied their trail setting equipment… then asked each other for the chalk { 30 minutes & one trip to Farm Fleet later } and they set off.

When intrepid heros/heroines arrived (#2, Toilet Eclipse, Oh My Dawg, Last Hole, Cucumber Plumber, Just Scott, Pole Pounder, and Hand Solo } Everyone set out along in the right direction….and when I got to the first beer-stop, I could hear a lot of whistle blowing and see the woods in the distance as the first hounds appeared. As they wound their way along the trail… between the school and the South Milwaukee H.S. athletic field and then along the path sandwiched between the field and the bog just north… more whistling from the woods… and as I watched the FRB climb the berm onto the RR tracks along trail, I heard Pole Pounder coming from the opposite direction… still on trail, but from the other side of the beer-stop… I now
believe he is just that fast.

We were well on our 2nd beer when the pack regrouped at the 1st beer- stop. While there was a lot of conversation and playing with whether or not a duck's quack would echo after many of us had a 3rd or 4th beer, the hounds set off again, following the trail blazed by Pole Pounder. Again having to negotiate the berm down from the RR tracks through the trees/burs at the bottom, to come back UP the tracks 30' further along the tracks (though close to 100yrds on trail).. Then wound through an apartment complex, back to and over the tracks again and into a residential neighborhood… A zig zaggy trail as best as the hare knew how, kept the hounds occupied MUCH longer than Copulator!! expected, and they had this hare blowing his own whistle from the 1st beer stop ( which was also the location for the 2nd beer- stop )… When the pack made it to the 2nd beer-stop they told how they were already at the 2nd beer-stop & that this was a great trail for having THREE beer-stops so close together.

…ok here is the story as I heard it, and bits I've added from my own fevered imagination.

While on trail, whistles blowing, energetic shouting and feet stomping… I believe the hashers scared away some hapless hobos or H.S. kids who acquired a 12 pack of Classic Ice for the afternoon… When they came upon a cheap 12 pack in the middle of the park (under a bridge?) they naturally assumed it was a beer-stop. So they stopped and drank … now this is the part I've added from my imagination… I picture the hobos / kids scurrying to hide in the bushes as this scruffy band charges off the RR tracks… and I can actually hear them in the bushes saying in hushed tones " Quiet…
Shhhhh quieeeet!… hey, they're drinking our beer !" , "WTF?!?!"

and "un-cool dude" … and the "awwww man…." When they climbed out of the bushes to discover the hash had even taken the 3 or 4 beers they didn't drink.

So… if you follow… the 1st beer-stop was the official 2nd beer-stop… but via adventure & intrigue turned into the 3rd beer-stop.

At the 3rd beer-stop, as customary, we broke out snacks, more beer, and "Brandy-N-Schnapps" ( I'm not making this up, it's a real product… yes there are both in the same bottle, that is really on the label and more surprisingly… its not horrible )

The first people to the On-In were …. Pole Pounder & Just Scott.  And though I was sworn to never repeat this ((( You are all my close personal friends, who would never repeat this…..right ?))) the first sentence out of PP's mouth was " That was NOT a shitty trail".

A circle ensued, there was much drinking…some food ordering… an entire shelf of liquor hit the floor… fun was had by all.
 

 

 

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Waukesha 12/22 Full Moon @ Club Baghdad Hash Trash

Finally coming down from the high that was the Winter Solstice "Surge" Hash. I was wrong, I thought it would take at least 7 days but in reality it took 5. I have been informed that in my post "Surge" Hash euphoria a little known event called Christmas occurred, whatever that is. Also a man named Santa Claus dropped off a bunch of presents to all the good people in the world. Whatever, Santa Claus didn't show up to Hash either.

For those of you who got lost, and I am assuming it was a sh!tload of you, Hand Solo, Sphincter Grease, and Just Kristen set one of the greatest trails ever laid on the Winter Solstice "Surge" Hash. In fact, no one could remember a finer one. Only a few real hashers dared to face the slopes and waters of Lake Michigan towards the first beer stop. The rest cut trail like cowards. But we all met at the first beer stop for Hot Chocolate with Schnapps and other adult beverages.

The hares took off to the second beer stop and here is where it gets hazy. The hashers complained that they were cold and tired and weak (what hasher doesn't think this on the greatest trail in memory) so they went back to the starting bar. BAD HASHERS!!!!

The hares beat these bad little hashers and blamed Just Kristen. And speaking of Just Kristen, she did manage to earn herself a name.   While the voting was hotly contested, and a small but vocal group did prefer Oral Depository, Just Kristen will now and forever be known as Wank You, Cum Again. Wank You then proceeded with the obligatory down down and then we finished the pizza and food that Club Bagdad had bought us.

On On to Pointy Nipples,

Sphincter Grease

 

 

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Waukesha Full Moon Hash Trash -10/26

Despite the fear of a potential rain storm 17 hashers and 5 virgins ventured out for the greatest hash ever, our First Annual Halloween Hadji Hash. Sphincter Grease, our ever lovable hare, made four cum, Just Emily, Just Pat, Just Jen, and Just Josh, while Lick Em Wet brought her own, Just Neil.

We started out at Club Bagdad in Cudahy. They provided us with $4 pitchers all night long on the swill and cheap pitchers of Last Hole's favorite Pale Ale. With 5 hadjis and 17 military members assembled we gathered up for a chalk talk at the exact time of 7:43, right on hash schedule. Hadjis were sent out on their own to their first beer stops and so was the military, in opposite directions.

The military arrived at their first beer stop quickly, enjoying a less than ice cold beer, Middle East style. They pavement pounded their way to a successful beer stop. There is spotty intelligence on our hadjis, but there are credible reports that they did find their first beer point despite multiple prayer stops.

Just Pat revealed several things about himself, like his butt wiping techniques, that makes us know that he could truly be a hasher at heart. As long as he keeps his mouth shut. The military was sent on its way to the second resupply point, along the shores of Lake Michigan, and there was still no word from the hadjis.

According to intelligence received at the On-In, the hadjis had found their first resupply point and took a fun run along the lake shore to meet up with the military at the second beer stop. All were enjoying the suds until concern over the park ranger in the distance sent people to the On-In.

The On-In, at the Club Bagdad featured down down after down down, topped off by Just Scott's toast to the hash and Armed Forces serving abroad. But Club Bagdad loved us so much that they bought us pizza and chicken wings, while continuing our $4 pitchers. All said, the reality met the advertising, as I knew it would.

Sphincter Grease

 

i have to say that was the best hajji hash of all time that ever started and finished in club baghdad.  hare of the dog sphincter laid a fine pair of trails for the coalition and indigenous personnel to galavant around and the beer and pizza flowed like the proverbial river of honey which our misguided foes keep blowing themselves up in hopes of attaining.  even though it was a costume hash, i think we could have held it as "come as you are" and many of the participants would have worn the same outfits, which is moderately disturbing, even for hashers.  i personally wore my favorite floppy hat, green golf smock, and cammy p-jammies; while at the other end of the spectrum creamin 'n screamin wore an authentic black burka direct from kuwait.  i was just going to wear my jammies and go as an "embedded" member of the press but i thought i'd look like a dork running around with a pillow and a steno pad.  i wish i had brought something to capture the many funny beer fed conversations on trail 'cause i can't remember half of it, but it looks like we'll be naming one of sphincter's army buddies something like "fudge nuts" since he's one of a handful of people on the planet who wipes his arse back to front.  too much info?  (now, there's a good hash name....).  i spent most of the coalition trail at the front with olymp-dick and just scott, but didn't make it into either of the beer nears in position to drink for my misdeeds at the end of the day.  the start and end of the trail were nothing to write home about, but the middle part between the beer nears was quite a scenic adventure, beginning and ending on the bluffs overlooking lake michigan.  i especially enjoyed the moonlight stroll along the lake shore with olympy, hashit, and colon-delicious.  i really enjoyed the end of the trail when the pizza and fried chicken arrived and abbreviated the down-down ceremony being emceed by the hajji formerly known as copulator:  may the hash go in peace; may the hash get a PIZZA!  now there's something worth fighting for. 

happy trails, Pole Pounder